Mamma mia, here we go again

I had made a solemn vow to myself that I would stop hate-reading mamma mia, and it was going quite well until one of my favourite bloggers, bluemilk posted this which of course made me re-enter the rage haze, which then gave way to the shoulder slump and the sad face and the looooong sigh. I usually cope by watching Keeping up with the Kardashians or some other ghastly visual filth but this time I decided I would use the time to write a TL;DR blog post.

Firstly, I have cut and paste my response to the original article, which was written in a mad flurry:

Mia, YOU are the only birthzilla I have ever come across. Nearly every post you write sanctimoniously asserts that anyone who didn’t give birth the way YOU did must be having a ‘lifestyle birth’.

How is it feminist to consistently degrade women who seek to educate themselves about birth and are passionate about it? It is not about agreeing with people on a same-genital basis. As a social worker, I know that knowledge is power, and as such cannot stand it when people who have social, economic, educational and cultural resources say ‘nobody told me’ (which is unfair itself, we all have faults). Indeed, I had a complication in my birth – shoulder dystocia – which I had come across in my research. And so when my husband had to press the emergency button and 6 people came running and set up a crash cart and my doctor told me I had shoulder dystocia I did not panic but asked whether I needed to get into the position for the Gaskin manoeuvre (had read about it) – my doctor was pretty impressed.

Placenta delivery is actually quite an important stage of birth – sometimes it doesn’t just come out through your vagina and then doctors have been known to impatiently tug on the cord which can cause the cord to break, which in turn causes haemorrhaging, and need for immediate surgery.

For the anecdotal record, the only women I know who were ‘soooooo shocked’ by birth were the ones who went into not knowing anything about it – and shocked were they indeed and rightly so. And they seem to have more problems during the birthing process and also more problems breastfeeding. 

Do you understand that most doctors and midwives would in fact prefer women to be actively involved in their birth? My obstetrician expected me to have a birthplan and so did all midwives – and I gave birth in a stodgy private hospital that didn’t even allow water birth. It is immensely helpful to facilitate a birth if the woman already understands the birthing process, such as positions for anterior/ posterior labour etc etc.

And finally – my birth plan went through what I wanted in terms of pain relief (patchouli-incense-burners-stress-balls- mantras-read-it-and-weep), what I wanted to happen if I needed an emergency caesar, what I wanted to happen if I died, if my baby died, etc, etc – oh yes, so irresponsible of me, so lifestyle, doctor knows best, who knew women could even read blah blah.

However, I do somewhat agree that this is really all just a pissing contest of privilege. In order to do the research I had to have access to the resources mentioned above, and this needs to be rectified – but not by demonising the people who seek to redress this balance by educating all women about birth through the medium of birth stories and birth plans.

I was also annoyed enough to point out in another comment (which I can’t find) that the ‘healthy baby’ everyone was seemingly privileging over the mother did not (hopefully) exist independently of the mother-infant dyad. I also felt quite baffled that so many commenters could not grasp that obstetrics is/was built on incredibly patriarchal foundations that have been harmful to women and babies which is why so many hospital/ birth protocols have changed (such as rooming in, birthing centres, private birthing suites, skin-to-skin etc etc) – these things haven’t changed just because women are irrational, unscientific creatures whose ‘feeeeellliings’ were hurt and needed to fill the gap by having ‘lifestyle’ births, but because research has showed that such conditions do not create healthy babies (or healthy mothers - but did anyone care about the latter?).

In short, SAY WHAT?

Despite hundreds of comments pointing out to Mia Freedman the logical flaws in her arguments - instead of acknowledging her biases or contributing to further discussion, her responses were rude and flippant and bordering incredibly ignorant - with the dogged insistence that,

Being a feminist does not – to me – mean agreeing with every decision made and every opinion held by everyone who happens to have a vagina.

Um. Since when was anyone actually saying that? But now you mention it Mia, in March you wrote this (emphasis mine):

“Feminism is simply about believing women should have equality and the right to make decisions about our own lives. Whether to work, who to marry, what jobs to do, whether to have children, when to have them, how many, who to vote for, what to wear…….

You want to give those choices back? You want men to make the decisions about your lives? About your body?  Well, sure. Then perhaps you’re not a feminist.

In her recent articles, Mia seems to have dropped that pesky ‘right to make decisions’ in favour of giving the control back to the patriarchal establishment, no questions asked, when it comes to the 'where' of giving birth.

Mia seems to believe, wholeheartedly, that homebirth equals baby death. I do feel that this dogmatic position must be influenced by personal trauma, and she is obviously allowed to have that opinion. However her blog is more than just a personal platform, it is a capitalist enterprise and her writing is available in both print and online media - and as such we have every right to question and critique her (lack of) analysis.

Mia again insists:

Apparently, by questioning women who choose to give birth at home despite their pregnancies being high risk (with often fatal consequences for their babies), I am somehow ‘betraying the sisterhood’...How insane and insulting, this idea of using the word ‘feminism’ to shut down debate and critical thought on the basis of what’s in your knickers.

BUT. BUT. YDRDRTRW#!@$#@##!#!GDFGJG. WHAT. WHAT. NO. NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. HUH?

Mia Freedman: by questioning your obviously intentionally inflammatory articles on homebirths, birthzillas, breastfeeding nazis, bottle giveaways et cetera et cetera I am actually pointing out the insulting ways in which you are communicating about women whose lives and choices do not mirror your own. I am actually trying to open the door for some critical analysis. I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT IS IN YOUR KICKERS. It is you who is shutting down debate, by refusing to understand how subjective your opinions are and by utilising simplistic and offensive language. And fyi - not all women (or feminists!) have vaginas. SO THERE.