Something is rotten in the state of Hotel Mulia

The Hotel Mulia is seriously fancy. It has gold plated everything and whenever I am in it I feel that at any minute someone might stop me, and hiss, 'Excuse me. Get out'. 

So for a treat, Julian and I decided to go for a couples massage in their spa. However, upon arrival, we were led upstairs, not to a spa but to a hotel room. This made us nervous that there had been mixed messages and we were about to be offered some plus plus. These fears were not assuaged when the therapist asked us to choose the oil, and kept hinting salaciously, 'INTIMACY???' while waving some putrid scent in my face. I responded 'NO NO. STRESS. I CHOOSE STRESS. NO TOUCHING!'.

We changed into our robes in the bathroom while mouthing silently at each other 'ZOMG WHAT IS HAPPENING SO MUCH REGRET ALREADY'. We braced ourselves and met our fate. 

My fate was, as always, to be required to stand there naked while the other person is fully clothed (and at least this time the other person was my husband, not my friend). I then lay down on the weird table where the hole for the head did not in anyway match the shape of my face. Then the massage began and it was once again brutal and my entire body seized with pain, while I had to suppress the sudden urge to burst out laughing.

I could hear Julian's therapist sniffing constantly, which was grim to hear, and even though I could not see or hear Julian I could feel his awkwardness and discomfort. He later told me that the therapist had a runny nose which she kept wiping on the towel that was covering his body. He said it was like being massaged by an inexperienced rhinoceros suffering sinusitis. 

My therapist had one long errant fingernail that would every now and then viciously scratch across my body. 

The room was freezing. 

And why were we in a hotel room? 

Why was any of this happening???

Sad, sniffing regret permeated the room. After the 'massages' were finished, the therapists sort of stood about, shamefaced and it was unclear about expected behaviour - were we to redress in front of them? Why were they milling? I turned around to put my robe on and suddenly my therapist vanished, never to be seen again, while Julian's, the sniffer, kept hinting at the need for a tip. Tip for what?

At least it was not like the time my friend's sister went to get one and the therapist started aggressively massaging her breasts saying 'You like this? NICE?'. Of course she felt like screaming but felt too polite and instead just murmured noncommittally and stared into the corner of the room, pretending none of it was happening. 

But still. The whole thing was wrong. And weird. But importantly, hilarious. 

Handsome girl face

I am often asked if Theodore is a boy or a girl, and I affirm the former but the asker will shake their head vigorously, and tell me, "No. He has girl face, handsome girl face."

Clearly, I do as well:

Because breastfeeding beyond infancy is worse than rape, incest and gore

I read this article. And. It is OUTRAGEOUSLY bad. I thought it would be funny and satirical but dude has not a clue:

Tywin Lannister, father of Tyrion (the antihero dwarf played by Peter Dinklage), is one of the unheralded dads of “Game of Thrones.” He’s fiercely loyal to his children and apt to say things like, “Family is all that lives on.” 

I was guffawing at the absurdity of Tywin Lannister being seen as an 'unheralded dad' when I read on to this:

Young Robin Arryn’s breast-feeding was voted “Most WTF Moment in GOT” at Fanpop, and it’s easy to see why. There’s something unnerving about breast-feeding to begin with. Oh sure, it’s beautiful and natural and it saves money on formula, but it’s a fundamental repurposing of a woman’s body: What was once A is now B (and maybe a little bit of A if the kid’s asleep). The hijacking that starts in pregnancy continues until — well, for Robin, it appears to have gone on way past my wife’s rule: “If he’s old enough to ask for it, he’s too old for it.

CUE FURIOUS FIST SHAKING. The author is clearly the unthinking posterboy for the capitalist heteropatriarchy. Seriously, otherwise how could someone write sincerely that breastfeeding is the 'fundamental repurposing' of breasts? That it is 'unnerving' and 'saves money on formula'? Artificial milk being, obviously, the reassuring biological norm. Thus the author trots out the pseudo-feminist rhetoric where the baby is the creepy bodysnatcher who seeks to desexualise the mother and prevent the father from his rightful 'A'. Especially if the baby can speak - because breastfeeding transforms into a perverse, sexual act when communication is involved.

Moreover, on a poll where the other options include 'Twincest', 'Ned Stark Loses His Head' and 'Everything The Mountain Does', the winner was 'Robin Arryn Loves Milk'. Even though in most cultures other than our demented, misogynistic farce of one the normal weaning age range is TWO to SEVEN. Clearly, breast-feeding beyond infancy is worse than incest, execution and mass murderers.

THIS ARTICLE HAS UNLEASHED THE DRAGON. RAAAAGGGGEEEEEEE.

Gila bule ibu

Oh, how I constantly transgress language and cultural norms. Or in other words - I often act a bit dickish, and dickish embarrassing things always seem to happen to me.